Hi. How are you doing? I just killed Geppetto. No. I did. I stuck a wood carving knife in
his head. Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know what kind of life he gave me. He
was a master wood carver. He could have made me anything: A prince, a playboy, an
athlete…. but no, he made me a puppet boy with a fucking nose that grows. I got a tell
you that doesn’t make me a big hit with the women. But that wasn’t enough. Then he
has to put a pointed yellow hat on me with red shorts and suspenders.
(He talks to a woman in the audience.)
What do you think lady? Am I your idea of a hot date? Yea. That’s what I thought. He
could of made any part of me grow on command. And he picks my nose. So I had to kill
him. I got to go. I have to find that stupid little cricket that thinks he’s my friend. No, I’m
not going to kill him, but I am going to pull off his legs. You have a nice day. Oh, and
lady, next time give a guy a chance. You never know how naughty his pine can be.