What If There is Nothing
Written by: Ryan O’Harris
When I was a little girl, I used to climb this hill every day and look down on the valley. I used to think that one day the valley would look up at me. One day they would know that I am not just the girl that caused all the problems. I thought that they would understand what I did. They would understand and they would forgive me. I had to do it. I had to make sure that no one ever suffered the way I did. I had dreams… I had dreams like every little girl. Now my dreams are gone. I wonder which is worse, the dreams of a young woman shattered by the hatred of an old man and those who revered him or empty souls that live every day knowing they were wrong but refusing to admit it. I used to see his face every night in my dreams…no…my nightmares. The people of the city walked by in a slow motion silence but never looked my way. They would stop just after they passed me as though they wanted to say something to me but then just kept going. But one day the dreams just stopped… and then there was nothing…nothing at all. No one wants pain. No one wants the fear of an uncertain reality. No one wants memories that tear at your mind like the grinding sounds of a metal thrasher ripping through the meat of a discarded youth. No one wants this, but never is there such a sense of hopelessness as when it all stops and there is nothing… nothing at all.